Duo: Ehm, this is 'Wanders'?
::ignores him:: This is just one of these off the wall one parters with a combination of overstress from finals and listening to Taproot too much. ::grins:: I love Taproot!
Duo: I don't see 'Wanders'...
::glares:: Anyway this is dedicated to all the girls who don't want to fall in love, but don't have a choice in the matter at all... ::grins:: Happy ready! 

*     *     * 

I hate the way he makes me feel.

It's like I've lost all control, all rationality in my life, a total disruption in whatever balance I have. Or least what's left of it from the past years. There's no way to go around it either. All these feelings, feelings I hate with an everlasting passion, are like a huge roadblock in my life. To put what I've just said in English, I'm drowning in emotional turmoil and want out. If my grandfather could only see me now... I know what he'd say too. He tell me, girl get your head out of the gutter. You have power aspects such as political gain to worry about. That's another thing, I absolutely hate politics. I think all politics, except Relena should burn in hell. The only reason I don't think the Peacecraft girl shouldn't be grilled is because she's my saving grace and she hates politics as much as I do. But I will not dwell on these topics because that means I'm totally avoiding the subject and I hate doing that, it shows one lacks some form of intelligence. 

Back to the subject at hand, I hate the way he makes me feel. He has that smile. You know the hundred-watt kind? The kind of smile that when he walks into a room and as soon as he lets it loose, the whole room is literally groveling at his feet. It's disgusting to watch all these 'adult females' as they call them self, lose all sense of self-respect and maturity. They fall at his feet as if he were a god. 

But, my mind started to say in a singsong voice. It knew it was time to enter this self-reflecting conversation. 

But you have to admit; you've done it too. 

Okay, okay so what if I had? 

Well, dear I hate to break it to you, but you just said it was revolting. Come on, tell the truth... 

Okay! When the guy smiles, I melt into that icky-gooey pile of mush at his feet. Happy? 

Almost, continue on with your ranting. 

I guess this is the part where I through my hands up into the air because of an excessive amount of frustration. 

Wow, talk about major bitterness. 

All right look, I can't get rid of this feeling of overload until you shut up. 

Sheesh, I get the picture. 

Anyway, I've tried to hate him. I've really tried. I've been the biggest bitch I could and still I end up by some grace of a higher power melting at his feet. 

You've basically jumped on the bandwagon, huh? 

What are you talking about? 

The bandwagon for those 'Crushes you love to hate'. 

I'm going to count to three... 

Okay, I'll be quiet now. 

I hate the way this can't be dealt with. It's like when ever I think this... Crush. 

Didn't anyone ever tell you that you have a lack of control? 

Hey, hey, hey! No need to get extremely pushy here! I am your sub-conscience. It's my job to be like this. 

Subsequently annoying? 

Ouch, low blow. 

You deserved it. What can I say? 

That you're in complete denial that you are in deep and hopelessly, I might add in love with- 

Don't you dare... 

What? Maybe finally you'll get over this self-denial thing. 

I'm never going to get to the point I should be at if you don't shut up. Anyway, as I was saying there are times where its bad and then there are times where I think everything is over. 

Oh, don't make me laugh. 

I'm ignoring you. So there are times when it seems like this whole 'love' feeling is just a passing fancy and then he goes ahead and throws in one of his smiles or a squeeze on the shoulder. 

God forbid a squeeze on the shoulder! 

Please shut up. 

Or you'll what? Crawl into that deep, dark emotion-filled pit of yours? Please... 

Okay, I know I'm pathetic enough. So could you at least let me blow some steam off? I was doing fine until you interrupted. 

You know this stinks. Here I am trying to solve my love problems with a rational answer and yet I can't because my mind won't stop nagging me. 

I'm a persistent thing aren't I? 

You don't say... 

Well, hey blame it on your heart. We had a long talk about you know. We're getting worried about your denial problem. 

I don't have a problem. 

See, that was our point exactly. 

Whatever. 

Hey, you are the one in love with this Winner fellow. 

I am not. It's just that... 

You're in love with Quatre Winner, the billionaire tycoon. 

How does money figure into this? 

So you are in love with him. 

Are you saying I'm in 'love' with him for his money? Jesus, I'm extremely offended. 

Look Catalonia, I only meant that there are the supermodel bimbo types in his 'circle' of clientele that would definitely give you a run for your money for acting. 

I'm not in love with him for the last time. 

Are too. 

Am not. 

Are too. 

Am not. 

Are too. 

Okay, look. I was supposed to get this load of my back and yet, you my dear are making it increasingly impossible. 

It's my job. 

Oh you make sound so simple. I can't believe my own sub-conscience 'mothers' me. 

Like I said it's my job. Now back to the matter at hand. You love the guy. It's pretty obvious after you excessively deny the whole thing. 

Shut up. 

Well then it must be true. You do love him. 

I do not. 

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. 

Couldn't get any cornier, could you? 

Just answer the question and I'll leave you alone. 

Yeah, right. Sure you will. 

Scout's honor... 

Out of all sub-consciences I get stuck with you... 

Is this the part where you start bringing the waterworks and the wining? Because I can't stand another minute of it, you know. After the fifth time, it kind of gets a little old. 

You're really irritating. I'm giving you a chance here. 

... 

Nope, fat chance. 

I hate you. 

You can't. I am you. Well, to a certain extent. You never bring out this side unless it's around the girls. 

They're my best friends. You don't need to hide yourself. 

Jesus, is it pick on Dorothy night or what? I was just trying to let off some steam. That's all. 

You're avoiding the subject... 

OKAY, I LOVE HIM DAMMIT! I LOVE QUATRE RABERBA WINNER! 

Hey, no need to get offensive... 

I LOVE HIM DAMMIT! 

Feel better? 

...

Come one, you must feel a little bit better... 

Maybe just a little bit. 

See, we even got rid of your denial problem. You're going to be okay after all. But I want to here it one more time, without me provoking you... 

Do I have to? 

Dorothy... 

Okay, okay. I love Winner with all my heart. Never, ever have I felt this way about anyone. The only reason I was and probably will still continue to be in self-denial is because I'm scared of a relationship. I've had a tough time and really don't want to get hurt again. Satisfied? 

Oh my, growing up all ready. 

Did I tell you how irritating you really are? 

Plenty of times... The rest is up to you now. 

That's what I was afraid of. 

*     *     *

Duo: Well that was bizarre. But it's still not 'Wanders' or 'Beautiful Darkness'.
Will you shut up? You're really getting to me.
Duo: Sheesh, someone is in a bad mood. Here I'll read the disclaimer to make you happy. ::takes out slip of paper:: Let's see... Eve doesn't owe the characters of GW. She's a poor student. Blah-blah...
That was some disclaimer, Shi-kun. Remind me to ask Fei-kun to do it next time.
Duo: Thanks... Hey! ::starts to pout::
Well, anyway thanks so much with the comments on Wanders and all. I love every single one of them. I'm still working on the last part to Book One. It's twenty-one, twenty-two pages now. So hopefully I'll have it out for you soon. Oh yeah, due to the high demand to having me post my epic out faster, I'm looking for a site. If anyone would like me to post, e-mail me. And I'm still looking for a beta reader because I'm way pressed for time. Are you done pouting yet?
Duo: No!
See ya next time! ::smacks Shi-kun upside the head:: Stop pouting it's a turn off.
Duo: It is... ::sweatdrop::